Change = Growth
Three simple truths for navigating the transitions of family life
The 40-something-mom dragged her small rolling case and big shoulder bag as she plodded along to the gate, boarding pass in hand. Her white t-shirt read in red block letters “FRAGILE: Just dropped a child off at college”. As I watched her trudge down the boarding bridge towards the plane, I wished I could have seen her earlier and been able to give her a big hug. Just an hour prior I had hugged my own man-child and tearfully turned to the rental car. Six times now I have said goodbye to a child leaving for college and each year brings with it both pain and promise. Pain at having to say goodbye. Pain at knowing they will get sick, make mistakes, maybe even get hurt, and mama won't be there to help them. And promise too. Promise that all those lessons you tried to teach are somewhere within them. Promise that they will figure things out and grow. Huge, difficult changes are also magnificent opportunities for growth.
Transitions are essential to our development.
Cognitive stage theorists sometimes present changes in our thinking in terms of equilibrium/disequilibrium. I love to expand this concept to change in general in the lifespan. In my adaptation of the concept, equilibrium can be thought of as that time when things seem to be going pretty well. There is balance mentally and physically within the developing person, and between the developing person and their environment. When we are in a state of equilibrium, there is some predictability in life, we know how to respond, and there is generally less conflict or confusion. When conflicts or changes occur, little adjustments can be made to keep things balanced. There is too much adjustment to be made to simply fit it all into the current state - the whole system needs to be shifted and we find ourselves in a state of disequilibrium. Disequilibrium often brings with it some cognitive chaos, anxiety, stress, confusion and frustration. But…
Disequilibrium is a time of great struggle AND a great opportunity for growth.
We grow during states of equilibrium and disequilibrium course, but when disequilibrium happens, big shifts occur and they can be messy, but they are necessary for development.
Life transitions can bring with them a little chaos as we establish a new health normal. But the new normal gives us a chance for a big growth spurt. Here are three things that can help us to reset our minds to deal with a major life change:
Embrace the unknown/crazy/insecurity of unpredictability. Embrace the uncertainty in the moment and be patient with yourself. Seek the Lord amidst the chaos and ask for His direction.
Establish your new normal. Life is different now, and your new normal will never be the same. Take your time to find a new rhythm and work towards establishing your new normal. Be willing to change other parts of your life as well to find a new healthy habits.
Routines are good for us- stagnation is not.
Find gratitude. Be grateful for the change. Gratitude for the present moment (family, kids, everything) promotes humility which promotes spiritual growth on the path to holiness. If your goal is to grow in holiness through these transitions, you must practice gratitude for the big and little things both.
🪴We can not grow in a stagnant state. Think of a houseplant. As plants grow they can become root bound. They need a bigger pot, but it is an uncomfortable (and messy) process to move them from one pot to another. Branches or leaves can be lost, roots are disrupted and sometimes broken, and yet the plant will not flourish in a pot that it has outgrown. Given a new pot, the roots expand into the fresh soil and suck up the needed nutrients and growth occurs.
So this season, find some good soil, get you roots into a space that allows some growth, and grow with the change!
📚 Old News (but maybe you missed it?)
We have a title for my next book AND a target release date. Drum roll please…
Discernment of Spirits for Beginners: Learning to Hear God and Defeat the Lies of the Enemy
This outstanding book which I co-authored with Dan Burke will be released in January of 27, 2026 from Sophia Press. We will be putting together a launch team this fall and I would love to include YOU. Look for more details to come soon!!
My first book, Daughter by Design: Discovering Your Identity as God’s Beloved Daughter, is now exclusively available on Amazon. If you want the PDF study guide for any small groups this fall, message me via my website and I will email it to you directly for free.
🎧 NEW Recording Space
As I mentioned last week, my recording space with the Diocese of Phoenix is getting a major overhaul so the next season of the Parenting Smarts Podcast will be a little delayed. In the meantime, I was invited in for a special interview with Bishop John Dolan recently and I am so excited to share it with you.
It’s a fun 20 minute video you can listen to while you pack for the September retreat! You ARE coming, right?
🗓 Spokane Parenting Retreat – Join Us!
Come join me next month just outside Spokane for my first 24-hour parenting retreat hosted by the Immaculate Heart Retreat Center. It is affordable, and will be both educational and inspirational! Get reset on your parenting as you start a new year of school. I will delivering 3 talks, sharing 3 meals with you, and offering Q/A time for some tailored parenting coaching. Come ready to learn and grow together!
I am so excited to meet some of you and walk with you along your parenting journey for the weekend. The retreat starts Friday and wraps up Saturday afternoon so it is just one night way.
When: September 26–27, 2025
Where: Immaculate Heart Retreat Center, just outside Spokane
What’s Included:
Overnight stay (1 night)
3 meals (dietary needs accommodated)
3 parenting talks
Small group setting
Cost: $135 (single) / $225 (couple)
Book your babysitter and register here!
🙏🏼 Praying for those of you who are also feeling FRAGILE in a period of transition. Growth is hard but it is also beautiful. You can do hard things, and you will get through this with the Lord beside you. Thanks for being with me in all of my transitions too.